Gift wrapped poo!

Did you ever see the Billy Connolly sketch where he was talking about his trip to Australia? He was talking about all the vicious things that could kill you and was particularly taken with marine life in particular the Box Jellyfish, a creature that could kill a man a hundred times over. He main concern was the naming of this savage beast, box jellyfish “They gift wrap the feckers!” I have to point out that he didn’t say feckers, he was a wee bit more Anglo Saxon. Anyway, it was the whole concept of gift wrapping a lethal weapon that made me wonder about other inappropriate gift wrap items. Dog poo for example, why do people feel the need to gift wrap it? I despair of the amount of times I see neat little bags littered all around the countryside.




This really got my goat the other day when I got out of the car and within 5 metres of the car park sitting on top of a large granite boulder was a little blue poo bag neatly tied up and sitting in pride of place. Who does this? What is the thinking behind it? Did they think the boulder needed highlighting? They hadn’t left it to collect later as there was no car present and was still there an hour later. If they considered poo to be so completely offensive that it needs wrapping up why the hell don’t they take it home with them? Was it a protest because there was no bin provided? What’s to protest about? It’s your dog and his poo. Clear it up yourself and take it away, don’t expect someone else to do it for you! It’s great when bins are provided and I do like not having to drive home with little piles of gift wrapped poo but I don’t leave them in pride of place to register my annoyance.



I can’t make up my mind if this person’s actions were better or worse than the idiot that gift wraps the poo and then hurls it into the hedgerow to hang forlornly from the branches like such toxic tree decoration. Actually, I can make my mind up, this is worse, it offends the eye but can’t be reached and removed. It adds nothing but plastic to the ecosystem and shows such lack of concern for the landscape and environment that I wonder why these people even have a dog.

So is a plastic bag parked on a stone or hanging from a tree better or worse that a pile of mess that hasn’t been gift wrapped? Hard to say really, at least un-wrapped it can decompose but if you stand in it or the children fall in it it’s an entirely different matter. I walk a lot around here and I can safely say that I always know when I am approaching a car park because the incidence of uncollected poo goes through the roof, or all over the path, pick your own analogy. I have seen owners so lazy that they open their car doors let the dog jump out run around, do his bit and then they call them back to the car. These people should have their dogs removed immediately. How dare they! These public spaces are for everyone to enjoy and it’s hard to enjoy a place covered in poo. No one who is able to drive a car is unable to get out of it and remove the poo from the main path.

So what to do! If you’re going to gift wrap it then take it home or carry it until you find a bin. If you’re not going to pick it up then flick it into the undergrowth as advised by the Forestry Commission, it will rot down, out of sight and not underfoot. Can I just say though, that if you walk your dog on a beach then always, bag it and remove it. No where is out of bounds to children’s bare feet in summer.

...and a Happy New year!

“And so my friends, the time has come, for me to face the final curtain…” the end of the year always seems so dramatic doesn’t it? We’re asked to look back at what went before and to look forward and to consider what might be. There are times when it seems to sway between some sort of mystical balancing act and a business de-briefing but quite honestly what happened this year will pretty much be what will happen next year! Did you know the Chinese have a curse that says “May you live in interesting times” It doesn’t sound like much of a curse until you consider that “interesting” is what makes it to the newspapers and TV news. Floods are interesting, as are earthquakes, fire, death and disaster, quite frankly we may be interested to read about it happening to others but we certainly don’t want to experience it first hand.

Lots of interesting things have happened this year that I don’t want to repeat, ever and quite frankly I don’t think I’ve “grown” from the experiences, nor has it “made me stronger”. It was difficult, frustrating, boring, upsetting but as each thing happened we dealt with it and we got on with it. And before you think I had some major disaster in my life this year I didn’t, just the normal run of daily tribulations that we all cope with.


Of course some of us will have had wonderful things happen this year. Marvellously interesting things (interesting is a bit of a double edged sword) from the news of a new baby to the launch of a business, a slew of excellent exam results, a first job, a successful interview, a trip across Africa, the finishing of a house, all of these things are wonderful and rarely ever going to make it to the news but they are what sustain us and keep us going whilst the other interesting things trip us up and pull us down.

So next year a balance of interesting things please. Can the things I know about happen successfully and can the things I don’t know about please not happen at all. It might make for a quiet year but I think that would be rather nice. And as for resolutions, well I want to take a photo everyday, I got as far as January last year, I’d like to get this column in on Wednesdays every week and not panic like an errant school girl on Thursday evening and finally I’d like to dive more.

I love diving which might surprise the people I dive with as they probably don’t know what I look like anymore. For those of you who have ever thought that diving abroad looks fun, it is, but it’s just as good here. Yes, I’ll grant you that it’s colder and the visibility is more temperamental but what we have meters off the shoreline is wonderful; a whole hidden part of Cornwall, always quiet, never crowded and always beautiful. If it sounds tempting make it your New Year’s resolution to give it a go. Either contact Mid Cornwall Divers or Sal’s Diving Company both of which will chat it over with you.

So that’s my New Year’s resolutions, what will yours be and how far will you get? I wonder how many people actually make a resolution and stick to it. Sometimes I think it’s easier not to make any in the first place and then you won’t feel that you’ve failed when you do fail but I think it is worth the effort and one year I might actually succeed.

Merry Christmas...

With the weather forecasters beginning to mutter about heavy snowfall I wonder if we are going to get a white Christmas? Beyond the romantic notions of a white Christmas it just seems right. Winter should be cold, there should be snow otherwise what makes it a season distinct from the others? We’re heading up to Dorset to be with Steve’s family, it’s going to be a house heaving with brothers and sisters, cousins and aunts, grandparents and cats and dogs and I suspect by the 26th I will be heading towards a breakdown.

I know Christmas is a time to get together, to be with friends and family, to relax and have fun but honestly I can have lots of fun in a silent house, with sole command over the radio and TV, I’ll have that bottle of beautiful port all to myself and I won’t have to share the terrine. I’ll take the dog for a 2 hour walk along the cliffs without a backdrop of complaints and I’ll get to watch Doctor Who without my niece hanging off my ear and my father in law telling me how good Doctor Who is whilst I try to watch it. He’s loves it as much as I do but seems to be able to watch it and talk through it without it hampering his enjoyment one jot. It’s clearly a failing of mine that I can’t.

I’ll go to midnight mass and sing my heart out without the embarrassed murmur of offspring looking mortified. I’ll have smoked salmon and champagne on Towan beach for breakfast and will not be dragged away to open the presents.

As it is I’ll experience 48 of the noisiest hours of the year. There will be no respite and no silence but there will be lots and lots of laughter. There’s bound to be tears as the cousins are young and there’ll also be cries of “cheat” as once again we all try to fleece each other at cards. The fleecing becoming more and more apparent as the bottles fill up the bins. I doubt we’ll go to mass and I imagine all the presents will be opened in an ecstasy of fumblings before 8am. Greg will take control of the TV remote and we’ll all be subject to Jamie telling us how we should have cooked the turkey. And whilst I know this all sounds manic I’m also looking forward to it.

So whatever your Christmas is I hope it’s a good one. For those of you on your own, enjoy the peace and silence, for those of you with family enjoy the company, for those of you working, I hope that everyone you work for treats you with extra gratitude, for those of you that don’t celebrate Christmas I hope you enjoy the break and for those of you for whom Christmas is a rough and difficult time I hope it passes soon.

A busy week

And then there are weeks when I’ve done so much I don’t know where to start. Saturday was particularly crowed, the day started with my youngest son taking part in the St Austell Music and Speech festival, he was competing in the Grades 1 & 2s piano section and once again overcame his nerves to do us proud. This annual event always seems to have low attendance figures and yet the standard of performances throughout the week is always excellent. It’s a great opportunity to hear stunning music at close quarters for a £1 entry fee. So my thanks as ever go to the organisers of this event and to his piano teacher Rachael Mitchell.




Having dashed out we then sprinted over to rugby practice at Lankelly Fowey, again another bunch of incredible volunteers who run the most friendly, welcoming supportive club around. Unfortunately due to bad weather the following day’s match against St Austell had to be called off, funny matches are often cancelled but never training! As soon as that was finished my youngest son was whisked away to a birthday party at Retallack Lodges to go on the Flow rider. It’s hard to explain the flow rider unless you see it but try to imagine an upside down wave on a trampoline. So whilst he went off to defy the laws of physics, Steve and I scooped up our disgruntled eldest son and dashed over to Meva to set things up for EV Thompson who was coming to the shop to sign copies of his latest book “Beyond the Storm.” As usual, he arrived on time and was promptly inundated by friendly fans and we had a great afternoon. He’s a lovely man and I enjoy meeting him every time. I’d also like to say thank you to all the people that chose to buy his book from us, we appreciate the support that you give us and it’s always nice to meet new customers.



Of course that wasn’t then end of the day as Mevagissey switched on their Christmas lights and it was a wonderful event with a lantern parade and stunning light puppets all marching to the beat of a Celtic samba band. So yet more thanks to the committee who despite really challenging conditions this year but on a memorable event. And whilst we’re thanking people, thank you for everyone who is still shopping in Mevagissey, almost all of us are open for business and it can be lonely if people think the village is still closed for business.



Sunday was a true day of rest. Tuesday however saw us carefully bombing up to Bristol to wave goodbye to my sister as she prepared to sail across the Atlantic. Thank you to both of the boys’ schools for knowing that there are more important things in life than attendance figures and thank you to the meteorological gods for giving us such an amazing display of hoar frost as we travelled up country. The highlight must have been hitting -10 at Okehampton.



Wednesday found us jumping up and down to three rappers at Plymouth Pavilions who were warming the crowd up for Diversity, the dance act that won Britain’s Got Talent last year. It was amazing, I went with friends and 7 boys ranging from 8 – 11 who loved it even more than we did. So there we are, a properly busy week and thanks to everyone who made it a great one.



By Thursday we were all a bit tired and blurred around the edges but carrying on and now today we will end the week with the school’s carol concert. In amongst all this we have been preparing to launch our new website which I’ll tell you all about next week.